MADAME'S MANUSCRIPTS

She walked into Paisley Pig that autumn afternoon with a determined look on her face.  I knew that look well.  This was a woman who knew exactly what she wanted and how much she was willing to pay for it.  I took a sip of wine, …ok, fine, …I took three sips; fluffed my hair and walked towards her…

“Hello and welcome to Paisley Pig!”

She smiled, said hello and walked past me.

I continued to walk around the shop, rearranging merchandise and talking with the other customers. Then, from far away I was beckoned….

“Ma’am, hello…. ma’am!”

It was the lady on a mission.  She was in the booth that houses all our Farmhouse style handmade furniture and it seemed she had found what she was looking for. I walked into the booth and asked her how I could help.

“So, tell me exactly, how does this work?”

Not sure precisely what she was referring to, I replied…

“Well, this is a sofa table, and you can put it in a foyer or behind a” …

She interrupted me…

“No!  Prices.  Your Prices.  Are your prices set in Jesus’ stone?

Now I had heard quite a few regional colloquialisms since moving to Alabama from California, but this was a first. Jesus?  Stones? What in the h….?!?!

Not sure how to reply, this is what came out of my ‘never had a filter smart mouth’…

“It just depends on the item, ma’am.  But I can tell you that the furniture in this area is all set in God’s gravel!”

Just then I heard a boisterous laugh from her phone.  She had been on speaker phone with her husband the entire time. And he replied…. still laughing…

“Can I please use that in church Sunday morning?!?”

Her husband is a pastor!  

I felt my face turn red and then wondered whether or not I should continue speaking or just keep my mouth shut.

If you know me at all, I did not keep my mouth shut.

“Sir, Reveren… I mean Father… um, Pastor Sir…. I’m sorry, I wasn’t being disrespectful to God or gravel or any stones of Jesus’…”

He was still laughing.  Thank God.

So, there you go, I just assisted in writing my first church sermon.  Pretty sure, my last one as well.